To be honest I found choosing a donor really hard. To start with it all seemed very simple. What we wanted was a proven donor who produced a lot of eggs, young, blonde, petite, green eyes, ready to donate soon.
Hobbies and education didn’t seem that important. I have different interests to my mum and sister, and I have friends who didn’t go to university who are very intelligent. What I really wanted to know was how intelligent and how pretty she was. But you can’t find that out!
The agency didn’t have any proven green eyed donors so we agreed to accept blue. Some of my siblings have blue eyes so that’s ok. Compromise number one.
We found a good match but then she started a new job so couldn’t donate for a while and we didn’t want to wait. Then the agency tried to get me to accept a few larger ladies. At the risk of sounding ‘fatist’ I really didn’t want someone that large as I’m very petite. I think the agency got a bit annoyed. The owner, who had been really nice before, actually made me feel quite bad about it, my husband joked that she was probably a larger lady and I’d upset her.
Then there was a perfect little lady, or so I thought, but that was the problem. I’m really short and she was shorter than me. We’d actually requested someone a few cms taller than me. The hubby felt quite strongly about it as one thing we could control. If I couldn’t have a genetic child we could avoid passing on my stunted genes! I was really annoyed though. Not only was she a proven donor many times over (the number of potential siblings was also an issue for him, she’d made 7 families), she was pretty similar to me. However, we both had to be happy so we turned her down.
The next lady was quite a bit taller, and very slim, but she hadn’t produced many eggs. As we’re doing PGS we couldn’t risk that. Another one turned down.
I started to despair a bit, time was ticking on and the whole process was stressing me out. I contacted another agency that a friend had used but I found the lady there patronising and opinionated. She tried to make out that her 8 month waiting list was excellent and that most clinics in this county have a 1-2 year waiting list (which I know isn’t true and I don’t think she should be saying it). She also wanted a lot of money upfront and gave me a lecture about donors and what they go through. Not once did she give me a chance to say that I totally agreed having gone through IVF many times myself, and I wasn’t disagreeing that they were doing an amazing thing. I’d simply queried how long her waiting list was!
Then we were offered an unproven donor by our agency. Apart from being unproven she was perfect. Blonde, green eyes, petite but taller than me. She also had a university education which was a bonus though not something we felt strongly about. She had donated a couple of times but her eggs were still frozen which is why she was unproven. She had also produced a good number of eggs and could donate very soon.
In the end we chose her. I am a little worried about her being unproven but she’s 25 so chances are she will have great eggs. Plus given past performance we could be looking at 15 eggs or more.
I hope our gamble pays off!