It’s been 5 days since my transfer. I’ve not been at work as we have an IVF policy and I can take the time off sick without reprisal. However, I am going back tomorrow as I feel too guilty to take another week. I was glued to the news after the EU referendum. I can’t believe we voted out. Such a big mistake. That’s another reason I have to go back to work – it’ll be crazy there – not good for my stress levels but at least it’ll keep me occupied.
I don’t believe in bed rest after IVF. I’m all for a bit of gentle exercise to encourage blood flow (plus I feel absolutely awful mentally and physically if I don’t exercise) so the day after transfer I walked to my acupuncturist’s house. It took me about an hour and it’s a lovely walk. She was really encouraging saying the acupuncture should help calm down my uterus after the difficult transfer. It made me feel a bit more positive.
My husband isn’t working at the moment so we’ve been for a few walks together and it’s been nice to spend time with him. He’s been great at the progesterone injections. I admit as a control freak I wasn’t too happy about him doing them but he’s taken to it like a pro.
He has to inject me in the bum each day and I take 2 progesterone pessaries (fanny bullets) as well (top tip- use a tampon applicator). I’m also on 6 oestogen tablets a day (3 orally and 3 internally – lovely). Plus 2 oestogen patches which have to be changed every other day. And I inject myself with clexane (blood thinner) every day too.
I’ve been very proud that since my panic after the transfer I’ve avoided Dr Google. But I can feel the crazies setting in. I’m not feeling it. By ‘it’ I mean symptoms. I have slightly sore boobs but they started a few day ago and so I know that’s the progesterone. But nothing else. I’ve been pregnant (briefly) 3 times and symptoms were all a little different each time but I did have them. I’ve had: mini nose bleeds; burping; cramps – especially really low down; a pulling sensation; really sore nipples; and last time a really strong sense of smell. This time I’ve got nothing.
Maybe it’s a little early but I can feel the despair is just around the corner. If this doesn’t work I don’t know what we’ll do. We have 3 embryos on ice but 1 is poor quality and might not survive the defrost, the other 2 I need to know more about – they aren’t totally normal and the consultant recommended we didn’t use them and that if the worst happened and that this cycle didn’t work we’d be best off doing another fresh round. But my husband is out of work (something Brexit won’t help!) so the money is quite an issue (donor cycles are so expensive in the UK). Plus I actually feel more fragile than before in terms of being at work and able to keep dealing with this. Previously I’ve been really good at using work as a distraction and powering through but I’m just not sure how many more times I can do that – I already feel like I care less about work right now.
I just have to hope that I’m mistaken and that there is some implantation happening down below!
And I’ve no idea what I’ll do on test day. It’s the worst timing as I have friends from Scotland and their daughter staying. They kind of invited themselves but I thought the timing would be fine and I’d have already tested a couple of days before and if positive I’d be happy and if negative we could all get drunk. However, with the delays not such good timing. And we’re all supposed to be going to a big BBQ together that day /night. I’m wondering whether to test before they arrive but that’ll be 2 days early.
It’s all enough to send anyone crazy!