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The wait between the beta hcg result and the first scan is really hard as anyone who’s been in this position knows. The days drag, you find yourself agonising over every symptom and lack of symptom and veering between hope and absolute terror that things aren’t going well. I’m not surprised my boobs hurt – I start and end the day by giving them a good squeeze!

In an effort to distract myself I took a couple of extra days off over the May bank holiday weekend and planned some nice activities. The husband and I went for an early anniversary lunch at Gilbert Scott (a Marcus Wareing restaurant), we got a good deal on a set menu (see pics). I also went for afternoon tea (on a different day!) with my sis and parents for her 30th and then we went for cocktails. My dad was subtle as a brick practically shouting “virgin cocktail? Why?” whilst my mum and sister glared at him (they know I’m planning a transfer soon but I didn’t tell them I’ve already had it – if all goes well I’ll tell them in another week or so). I also went out for dinner and drinks with 2 uni friends – they know a lot about my IVF history and did quiz me on the no drinking – I also told them that we were preparing for transfer.

Last weekend at 6w4d was the day I started bleeding last time. This weekend I went to the Epsom Derby races at with a group of friends (we go most years and my friend makes this amazing picnic). I did have slight cramping resulting in a couple of wary trips to the toilet. Just before going to bed that night came the horrific news of the London Bridge attack (so soon after the Manchester one) and I spent an hour or so checking in with family and friends. I was at London Bridge for the first time since the attack last night for a friends birthday – the sea of flowers, notes and flags from a variety of countries was very moving.

On Monday I worked late and popped to the loo as I was about to leave and saw blood, red blood. I was really not expecting it. I had no cramps or backache like last time. I tried not to panic and made my way home. The bleeding was mainly dark red and stopped after 2 hours – it wasn’t heavy but it was scary.

I phoned the clinic on Tues and they brought my scan forward (it was scheduled for Wed at exactly 7 weeks). I spent a nervous morning at work convinced things were over as my boobs didn’t feel so sore, and my nausea was coming and going.

My husband joined me at the clinic – I was pleased that the appointment was with the really nice sonographer (and not the one who kept messing up my lining measurements). She gave the usual reassurances about how she would take a minute to suss things out so not to worry during that time. She was actually very quick in telling us that there was a good heartbeat and the measurements were spot on at 6w6d (my last pregnancy measured 3 days small and I lost that) and showed us – my husband had actually already seen on the screen as she found it very quickly. She also found the bleeding site and said it looked like it had bled out and I hopefully shouldn’t get any more. Obviously we were overjoyed but very cautions. We’ve been here before and it didn’t end well.

The Dr has taken me off clexane for a few days as a result and has asked me to go in for another scan in a week at 7w6d to check progress and the bleed site.

I’ve been ok. As soon as I hit 7 weeks my nausea increased quite a bit despite the steroids (which can mask it). In some ways this is reassuring. Less reassuring have been 2 days of crinone discharge which is dark brown so obviously stained with old blood. Then yesterday it was a pinky red colour which scared me a bit – although it’s possible the crinone is irritating me – I’ve never used it before and I keep thinking it’s going to give me thrush – I really don’t like it.

I’m sure the day before and day of my next scan the doubts will start to creep in. I’m now 7w3d – in a couple of days it will be roughly the time my last two pregnancies stopped growing.  For now I’m trying to stay as calm as possible.