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This week has been a week of many milestones. On Monday I took a huge leap of faith and went to see my GP to report my pregnancy and get into the NHS system. She knows my history and so there were no big congratulations just an acknowledgement of how far I’d come this pregnancy and an understanding of my remaining concerns. Filling out the form for the midwife referral was very weird – I’ve never got that far before. Despite the fact I must surely be in the higher risk category (4 miscarriages, twin pregnancy, my age etc) my midwife appointment is at 12 weeks and my scan is at 13 weeks 1 day.

On Tuesday I felt like I’d jinxed everything. I was feeling pretty positive ahead of my 10 week scan at my IVF clinic until I went to the toilet just before bed. There was red blood on my liner. And when I inserted the crinone it was all over the applicator. I barely slept that night – every twinge felt magnified and I started to get a bit of lower back ache. Rational me pointed out that I had a lot of backache early on and with my tilted uterus it’s a common pregnancy symptom. Irrational me reminded me that backache and red blood are signs of miscarriage. I eventually fell asleep and dreamt that I bleed all over the bed. I didn’t. When I work in the early hours there was no blood on my (massive just in case) pad and the bleeding seemed to have ceased.

My scan was at lunchtime at my clinic. Straight away I saw one heartbeat but it took a bit longer to find the second. Both babies looked more like babies – they had limbs! And they were moving. One of them turned all the way around in the time we had the scan. This time my husband was more excited – I don’t think he’d been letting himself get excited before. Turns out the bleed was from my cervix, it was likely it had been irritated by something, possibly the crinone gels. That night I had some more bleeding but nothing since then.

I was discharged from the fertility clinic. Out into the real world. And I feel strangely adrift given I have to wait so long for my NHS scan. I’ve had a bit of a wobble the last 2 days so I’ll either be paying for another scan or going to the Early Pregnancy Unit for one next week.

I’m now weaning off some of my drugs. I’m off the clexane for good now because of the bleed (I would’ve been coming off soon anyway), I’m off the progesterone in oil (thank fuck for that – I hate that stuff), I’m off the utrogestan (except I’m not as I’ve got quite a bit left so I’m continuing to take it at a lower dose), I’m on a weaning programme for the prednisolone (I find this a little scary as it’s the only drug I was missing last time I had a miscarriage so I do wonder if it’s been the thing keeping my pregnancy going) I’m still on the progynova and the crinone (gross) plus the thyroxine.

I told my parents the news and they were so happy (I get a bit nervous telling them as my mum always gets over-excited and I’m not quite ready for that yet, though to be fair she was fairly restrained this time). But we’ve not told many other people yet, just my two friends who read this blog and my sister. And two of my university friends have sort of guessed – they know me too well and I see one of them nearly every day, but they think it’s all very, very early still.

Two weeks until the end of this long drawn out first trimester. Please let us make it.