I’ve had a lot on lately (house renovation, work, getting things ready for the twins) so I’ve blogged very sporadically but I do have a whole load of posts in my head so I’m going to try to get them down over the next few weeks.
I’ve been thinking about blogging about pregnancy and how appropriate this is when your blog was started about infertility and has been an outlet for grief and frustration and the support us infertile bloggers get from the online community. I’ve recently read some blogs by others that seemed to suggest that it perhaps wasn’t appropriate to continue blogging on the same site when you became pregnant. If I’m honest although they absolutely weren’t aimed at me they stung a little and I wondered if I’d committed a bit of a no no…but as I thought it through I disagreed for the following reasons.
I’ve always felt in control of the blogs I follow. Over the last few years whilst I’ve struggled with my infertility a large number of bloggers I follow fell pregnant. Some of them I chose to keep following as they inspired me or sometimes they were just really good or interesting writers. Others I chose not to follow. It often depended on my frame of mind. After miscarriage(s) I unfollowed large numbers of these bloggers. When I felt stronger I chose to refollow some of them. When I was feeling fragile I chose not to read some posts of those I followed – It did not matter to me if they posted the word pregnancy in the title of their blog or whether they said ‘trigger warning’ either allowed me not to click and read the content of their post. I also understood that some of these bloggers needed continued support and I wanted to offer it. And I took some comfort in the fact they had become pregnant.
When I became pregnant back in the summer I was absolutely terrified. I could not relax into the pregnancy at all. Years of infertility and miscarriages had affected my ability to enjoy it. I needed to blog for the therapy of setting out my fears, and for the amazing support I received. I had some really big scares along the way – my pregnancy for the first trimester at least was really very rocky. It helped me so much to blog about it. And it felt like it was related to my previous posts so I didn’t feel I needed to start another blog.
It is true that lately I have relaxed a bit and been enjoying being pregnant. But I have struggled to come to terms with everything that I have been through (see my last post).
I have tried my best to be sensitive – there are no pictures of scans that look like babies and no pregnancy bumps. I have thought about posting these on a separate page so people have to search for them and perhaps I will at some point.
But I am still infertile – I had to use donor eggs to achieve my lasting pregnancy. The pain of infertility will never go away. I will never have my own genetic children. I will always have some jealousy of those who conceive easily. I will always think about the babies I lost. I will always feel solidarity with those who continue on this path – whether that path leads to babies (and however it does) or whether they chose a different path. I will never, ever forgot what it took me to get here and I will always be grateful to those who’ve supported me along the way. So in some ways it felt natural to keep posting about my pregnancy here. Was that right?
And once my babies are here (and that is still not a done deal) should I continue this blog? Should I set up a different blog so people can chose to follow that instead?
A possible reason to continue concerns the nature of the path my husband and I chose. We chose to use donor eggs. We are incredibly lucky that we are expecting twins. But having donor conceived children does present it’s own challenge. And I’ve been a bit disappointed when other bloggers stop blogging after their babies arrive. I want to know about having donor babies – and maybe it’s boringly normal, and maybe sometimes it’s not. And maybe they’re just too busy to blog now. But it would be nice to follow their stories.
I’m interested in what others think about blogging when pregnant and after your baby arrives when your blog was started as a blog about infertility / IVF. Thoughts?