I’ve previously written about coping with Christmas as the years without a baby go by – something I’ve struggled with a bit because I actually loved Christmas before the infertility Grinch ruined it. I come from a big family and it’s always been a time to get together and have fun. It also comes with lots of family traditions – and sometimes family duties!
This year was a different experience in many ways. My husband and I had decided to have Christmas day in our own house – something we’ve never done as we always go to our families (alternating or seeing both as our parents live quite near to each other). My mum and dad were due to stay with my eldest brother so they could see grandchildren. My other siblings live abroad/ had in law duty etc so we weren’t due to have a big family Christmas. However my youngest brother was coming to us for Christmas. We’d planned a nice relaxed day. But then my mum got shingles and couldn’t go and visit the grandchildren as she can’t be near their other Grandpa as he has cancer. This state of affairs resulted in me heading up to the Midlands for 2 days before Christmas to help my sister in law and brother out with childcare. I adore my nieces and nephew and it was lovely to spend time with them. I got loads of cuddles from the younger two, we went out for a bike ride, iced gingerbread cookies, played games and watched movies. I also got slobbered on and cuddles with their gorgeous puppy. Although it did hammer home how different my own Christmas is without children it didn’t upset me too much – instead I was able to appreciate just being an auntie.
So at the last minute my parents also came to us for Christmas Day. Can you believe that at the age of 40 I have never cooked or hosted Christmas dinner (unless you count helping my parents)? My husband and I actually quite enjoyed the whole thing. And on boxing day my husband and I went off to visit his family for a couple of days (a bit longer than I wanted but it’s generally pretty relaxed there – I had time for a few glorious runs in the countryside and some reading – though his parents have the worst taste in wine!). So all in all Christmas wasn’t too bad.
Looking forwards to 2017 it’s pretty IVF focused. I’ve started preparation for my FET which will be end Jan. I had a mock transfer a couple of weeks ago and a 3d scan of my womb (painful!). The mock transfer I’ve never had before but after my difficult transfer last time I was happy to do it – and it went smoothly (although I had a momentary lapse at work and went to the toilet – I was halfway though peeing when I remembered I needed a full bladder – so my bladder when I arrived at the clinic wasn’t really full enough). I felt the womb scan was a waste of money but because I’ve had scarring in the past in the end I agreed to it. I don’t know what we’d have done if they had found scarring as we no longer have private medical cover – in Jan this year I was able to have the scarring from a previous miscarriage removed. Luckily no scarring found this time.
I also had an endometrial scratch this week (see this post about my last scratch if you want more info about them). I totally forgot to drink loads of water (in my defence I got no info from the clinic about prep for it at all, however, given this is the 3rd time I’ve done it you’d think I’d have remembered) but luckily it wasn’t too painful compared to my last two. I’m sold on them – the supportive evidence base on them is stronger than for most other IVF add ons (I’m planning a post on the Panorama programme about these add ons soon).
My consultant only wants us to transfer one embryo (as they’re both PGS tested) but we’re planning to opt for two. Do you agree this is a good idea given our history? My old consultant would say transfer two.
Any my other dilemma is my brother’s wedding in Canada. If the transfer works then it’s quite unlikely (though not impossible) that I’ll be able to go. I did think about delaying the transfer but hubby really wanted to go ahead. Plus given my history the chances of success are probably not that high – so if it doesn’t work at least I have the wedding to look forward to. I did feel a bit weird when catching up with my sister this week and talk turned to our family holiday in Canada – but I will just have to wait and see. There’s no point agonising about options at the moment.
A fellow blogger The Ecofeminist wrote a great post recently ’10 things I’m looking forward to in 2017′. I found this an inspiring post so thought I’d share. I know that New Year can evoke very different feelings in those struggling with fertility issues so I’m not going to say Happy New Year (though 2016 has been weird on so many levels I expect many people will be glad to see the back of it!) – but here’s to looking forward!